Taking Stock
Definition: to carefully think about something in order to make a decision about what to do next
"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps." -Proverbs 16:9
"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand." -Proverbs 19:21
I have been waiting for a clear answer. I have asked God for a year now what I am do with this space here. Last Thursday, He woke me up at 2 AM with thoughts/questions/ideas swirling in my head and it was necessary to get up and write down some thoughts. And y'all, it's clear that I will need your help. Here's my plan: to tell you why I started this account, where I've been for the last year/what God has been showing me/teaching me and lastly, to tell you what I care about and ask you why you're still here.
I initially started this account because I wanted to be a part of helping women make their house a home on a budget and to encourage them as wives and mothers by sharing my life transparently and vulnerably. Before this, I had been a homeschooling mom of six kids that left little time for me to focus my energies elsewhere. All of the sudden, I found myself with all my kids in school or off to college/Navy and EIGHT full hours of time to myself, five days a week! What was I to do with all this time?
We had lived on one income since I became a mom and God had always provided. That's not to say we didn't have some really hard times financially but we were never without food, a home to live in or clothes on our backs. But now, with all this time....maybe I could find a part-time job to supplement our income. Here was the problem, my first priority and ministry was still being a wife and mom. I wanted to do something that allowed me to remain autonomous and flexible so that I could remain available to those that matter most to me.
Who even hires for someone like that? And why would I want to work for them away from home anyway? I decided that blogging and working online through Instagram and FaceBook was the answer. I took classes on both and jumped in feet first! I have loved getting to know so many of you and am blessed to call some of you my "in real life" friends as well! And I want to thank you for still being here in spite of my absence this last year.
Where have I been? Do you remember when I said I had all this time on my hands ALONE? Yeah, well a pandemic hit, and suddenly, five of my six kids were back at home all day, every day. There wasn't any part of my house not being used for online school. It quickly became clear that home decor projects/renovations would necessarily be put aside for a while....this doesn't translate well to an IG account based on those things. And, to be honest, the events of last year helped to clarify my priorities all over again. I'm a wife first, a mom second and my people needed me. We also became the safe house for many friends and family to visit that needed respite from the crazy chaos of our world.
But something else shifted besides the demands on my time and my home. The shift was happening inside me. I found so much joy in the midst of madness serving our community of friends and family through faith and strength in the sovereignty of God. The more time I spent ministering to people within the setting of our home, the more I came to realize how trivial my pursuit on IG had become. In fact, I had become completely apathetic to producing content for the sake of sharing it online. Instead, I had moved into ACTUALLY sharing it by breaking bread with people in my home. Life on life. Meeting real needs on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level.
Let me explain a little better. Hospitality is a part of who I am and I believe God has given me that gift to edify others. To provide a warm place of welcome and refuge is at the core of my heart. I was endeavoring to bring that to this online space but had gotten distracted trying to work the algorithm and produce content just to keep up. I lost my way.
I had gotten a few hints in the months before the pandemic as to what I was supposed to be doing. If you'll remember, there was the debacle of my vintage market, which was actually a success in that friendships were forged and strengthened. During that weekend and the conversations that flowed from it, I began to see glimpses of how God wanted to use me. I just couldn't see how that matched up with what I had started here.
Here I was, torn between apathy with what I had been doing here and yet not feeling released to just let it go. So I waited. And I waited. I've been in a holding pattern but in the meantime, I've been pouring out in real life. The young adult ministry my husband and I lead together, along with some friends of ours, has exploded in growth - both in spiritual depth and in numbers. I'm leading a separate Bible study with the young ladies and we have at least 20 people in our home almost every Lord's Day for lunch and fellowship. Another change is that I am, once again, homeschooling our two boys that still live at home(5th and 11th grades).
With all that, you would think I'm exhausted but I'm THRIVING. That's not to say I don't get tired - I do. But I am tired in all the best ways and so satisfied to be used by God in whatever way He sees fit. This has been a season of hard conversations and deep joy.
Lastly, there has been one other precious gift that happened recently. I got a job! My sweet friend Jenni, that owns Pittsburgh Candle Works, asked me if I would be her wholesale manager. I work from home, with flexible hours and a fabulous boss and I don't have to give up my first priorities! The answer to my question from yesterday as to who hires someone like me with my requirements for a job was found in God's providential timing and Jenni!
Where is this space headed and what's my plan? Well, I guess some of that depends on all of you. I would love to hear from you, either in comments or by private message, about what content you are looking for/not finding elsewhere/need encouragement in.
Let me tell you what I've been thinking and maybe that will help. It is probably easier for me to start with what I don't plan on doing...
I will not be catering to an algorithm nor do I care about numbers, insights, etc…
I will not be posting on any kind of schedule
I will not share unless I feel that it edifies your lives in some way
I will not waste your time or mine, if I post something, it's intentional.
What I want to post and what I care about:
I care about you and your personal relationship with Jesus
I care about you and your other relationships as it relates to you being a woman in this world (wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend)
I want to be a resource for you and share resources that I have found helpful
I want to come alongside you as you endeavor to make your house a home and to do so in an inexpensive, DIY kind of way
I want to encourage you to have people in your homes and to embrace community in real, transparent ways
I want to be used by God in the ways He has gifted me so as to bring Him glory
There are probably a hundred more things I could list but I think this gives you a good idea of my heart. If you're here for this, thank you! I'm honored that you would walk alongside me. If this isn't something you desire, thank you for your honesty. Please know I will take no offense at parting ways. Thank you all for being a part of this tiny space and please don't forget to message me/comment on ways you need encouragement.
To God be the glory!
"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight." -Proverbs 9:10